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Matchmaking is a special ceremony, the purpose of which is to propose marriage to the prospective bride in the presence of her close relatives, usually parents. The groom, his godparents, his relatives, and sometimes close friends can take part in matchmaking. The special people at the event are the matchmaker, matchmaker or matchmakers. They can be invited people, relatives or godparents of the groom. Matchmaking was preceded by family council in the groom's house, after which matchmakers were sent to the girl's relatives. The ceremony was carried out in the form of a comic performance. If consent was received, then a few days later a ritual evening was held for all relatives and friends, at which the engagement was announced and the wedding date was set.

Matchmaking by the groom

Matchmaking can be combined with some kind of family celebration or general holiday, but it is best to set aside a separate day for this. When conducting matchmaking, the groom must:

dress smartly - a formal suit will produce good impression on the parents of his future wife and convince him of the seriousness of his intentions;

have 2 bouquets of flowers - for the mother of the bride and herself, and he must give the bouquet to his future mother-in-law first;

ask permission for marriage from the chosen one’s parents;

Previously, gifts were not given during matchmaking, but today this tradition has undergone changes and, if the groom does not plan to strictly adhere to the matchmaking ritual, he can give the relatives of his future wife a small gift. Usually the father of the bride is given good alcohol, books, an expensive pen, depending on his type of activity. Mothers are presented with sweets, jewelry, and household items, also based on her preferences.

The main task of the groom at matchmaking is to ensure that he is able to please the relatives of his chosen one.

This is not always easy, and therefore a huge responsibility is placed on the groom during this procedure. Especially if he asks for your hand alone. Matchmakers are truly an invaluable help to the groom; they can defuse the situation and, in many cases, save the situation. Relatives of the groom or people hired from outside, specially trained in all the intricacies of the ritual, are chosen as matchmakers. Whatever choice you make, the main thing is that the matchmakers are open and cheerful people, then the ceremony will go well. Usually they are limited to one matchmaker, who, if necessary, can be helped by the rest of those present. Matchmaking should be allegorical in nature - you cannot directly state the purpose of your visit. Matchmakers imagine everything in the form of fun, fun, and a comic skirmish between the relatives of the future spouses. Particular attention should be paid to the feast. During matchmaking, it is not mandatory, but hospitable hosts usually consider it their duty to welcome any guests, so it would be somewhat indecent to do without any treats at all. The presence of alcohol on the table is also not traditional, and if the groom does not want to drink with his future father-in-law, there will be nothing wrong with this, the main thing is that it is accepted adequately by the father of the bride. If the parents are unhappy with the groom, the matchmaking can be repeated another time.

Traditions and signs of matchmaking

Special attention has always been paid to traditions and signs during matchmaking, and few people previously dared to break the laws established by their ancestors. And even today, many pay tribute to the superstitions and customs of their ancestors:

The best day for matchmaking was considered October 14 (the holiday of the Intercession Holy Mother of God), also the most favorable dates were 3, 5, 7 and 9, days of the week - Tuesday, Thursday or weekends.

Never got married on the 13th, it is unlucky for carrying out any business.

On the way to the girl’s house, the people participating in the ritual remained silent and left the house only after sunset in order to avoid the evil eye.

All information regarding the ritual was hidden from strangers, fearing their unclean thoughts.

When the matchmaker was about to go to the girl’s parents, they threw bast shoes at his back.

Having reached the house of the girl of marriageable age, the matchmaker tried to get into the hut as quickly as possible, so that the matter would be resolved just as quickly.

Matchmaking negotiations were conducted standing up, as if on the move, so that the marriage would be quick.

The groom handed over the betrothed loaf.

If you don’t know, we have prepared a script specifically for this occasion. From ours you will learn everything about fortune telling for Valentine's Day. At the following address you can read an article about how to make original wedding invitations with your own hands.

If consent to marriage has been obtained, then:

the father had to place his daughter's hand in the hand of her betrothed;

the girl accepted the loaf from the guy, cut it into pieces together with the groom and treated those present;

any joint feast meant an early engagement.

If matchmaking failed, then this could be marked by the following actions:

the bride hid and took off her outfit;

the girl expressed her refusal by giving the groom a watermelon (pumpkin);

if the groom did not like the bride, he brought it to his mouth, but did not drink from the glass presented to him;

if refused, the loaf was returned to the groom whole;

If the matchmakers refused, they could harm the bride - they closed the door to her house with their backs, thereby dooming the girl to an unmarried life.

Matchmaking in the old days

In the old days, having chosen a suitable candidate for the role of the bride, they always received the approval of the relatives of the groom's family. Then a person was chosen to act as matchmaker.

The role of matchmakers was dominant in this ritual. They collected all the information about the girl, including appearance, character, amount of dowry.

Often they were engaged in the actual search for a suitable bride. The matchmaker also monitored compliance with customs and the correct conduct of the ceremony itself. Initially, a matchmaker always went to the house of a girl of marriageable age. There was no need for the presence of the groom, but it was not strictly forbidden. If he was given freedom of choice, if he wanted, he could go to the parents of his chosen one and ask for her hand. Arriving at the house where the chosen girl lived, the matchmaker began the conversation from afar, without touching on the main topic. They talked about the weather, the harvest, and mowing. The main negotiations also proceeded in an allegorical form. For example: “You have a wonderful garden, and we have a good gardener, maybe he will look after your garden?” The parents of the girl of marriageable age expressed gratitude to the matchmaker for the honor shown to them and gave them kvass or honey, which the girl herself poured and brought to the guest. At the same time, the matchmaker had to take a good look at her. After which he began to praise the groom and ask about the bride. If the groom was not satisfied, then the refusal also sounded allegorical: “Our garden has not yet ripened,” “Our goods are unsaleable,” or they were stipulated by an insufficient dowry, general employment.

If there were any doubts, the matchmaker was invited a second time in order to obtain additional information about the groom within the given period of time. The next time, the groom's parents went to matchmaking, often with him himself, as well as other matchmakers. This matchmaking was considered official. A feast was organized and, with the consent of all parties to the marriage, an analogy of a modern marriage contract was drawn up - a “row entry”, which covered the main organizational and financial issues of the upcoming wedding, including the bride’s dowry. After settling all the issues, the bride gave the chosen one a deposit, which was a simple scarf. They wrapped the edge of a loaf of bread in it and gave it to the matchmaker. He carried her in a high hand through the entire village, which indicated a successful outcome of the matchmaking.

Scenario of modern matchmaking from the groom's side Today, matchmaking is a common ritual of introducing the families of future husband and wife.

. However, the introduction of some ancient rituals into the action will add a kind of “zest” to the standard procedure.

The groom can come to the bride's house either alone or with his parents. You can choose a matchmaker and present everything in the form of a scenario.

Simple option The arrival of the groom and matchmakers at the bride’s house can be diversified with Russian folk songs, funny ditties sung by the guests, as well as welcoming cries of “The matchmakers are coming!”

At home, the groom presents the chosen one’s mother and herself with flowers and a loaf of bread. They call the bride and go to the set table. During the feast, the girl’s parents should praise their daughter, paying special attention to her main advantages. At a special hour, the groom asks his future father-in-law and mother-in-law for her hand in marriage. If they agree, the bride's father joins the hands of the young couple and blesses them for marriage.

When the celebration is planned to be held on a special scale, a longer option is used. At the appointed hour, the groom, his parents, friends, and matchmakers drive up to the bride’s house and knock on the door. The doors are opened, and the bride’s relatives ask: “Who is this guy knocking on our door, what do you need?” Matchmaker:

- Welcome under your roof, owners! They came to you from afar. But our business is not easy: There lives with us a well-done prince, a brave daring man in all matters. One day I saw a beautiful firebird, in all respects his queen. And since then the good fellow has been sad. We came to your house to look for this girl.

Bride's family:

- Our girls are different, and everything is just right. If he finds his beautiful one, then we will set the table.

Several different girls are brought out and introduced to the groom, often for this purpose the guys are dressed in women's clothes.

It happens that ribbons are stretched into different rooms behind closed doors, with different people holding the other end, and the groom is offered to pull any one. If he did not guess his beloved, he had to pay a ransom.

The groom must answer:

- She’s not after my heart, I need someone else!

When the groom's beloved is brought out, he says that it is she. After which the bride is tested to see if she is suitable for the groom. This is usually done by the matchmaker. Matchmaker:

- Yes, this is definitely that firebird, Our dear maiden. But is her soul so good and pure?

- Tell me, dear, they’ll ask you to drink some water: an old man, a child and a handsome guy, who will you pour it to first? The girl answers: To kid. - Right. Then tell me, who will you pour the wine to first: your beloved or the old man?? The girl answers: Old man. - Right. But tell me, when you wash the floor, where do you wash it cleaner - in the corners or in the middle?? The girl answers: Everywhere. - Right. Tell me, when you prepare soup, you are a noble, you pour a pinch or a handful of cereals into it? The girl answers: I don’t put cereal in the soup, but meat. - You speak well! And now we’ll see how well you see and whether you’re too lazy to bend your back for a penny of labor! – The matchmaker throws coins on the floor. The girl collects them and squeezes them in her hand, but when asked by the matchmaker to give them back, she does not agree. Matchmaker: - You passed my test. She is a good housewife and economical. I dropped copper coins so that you wouldn’t be poor, but here’s silver for you, so that your wife would be faithful, and here’s paper money, so that you wouldn’t be too important. - I see you are good to everyone. Answer now, do you consent to our young prince becoming your husband? The girl answers: Yes. Matchmaker: - If you agree, cut the loaf that he gave you as a gift. The girl cuts it into 4 pieces crosswise. Matchmaker: - To whom will you offer bread first and bow at its feet? The girl gives 2 parts of the loaf to the betrothed's parents and bows to them. Matchmaker: “Now I’ll ask the father and mother of the bride: do they bless their daughter?” Parents say yes. Matchmaker: - If everyone agrees, then we need to select our girl. Before the wedding, let her walk with the mark of her betrothed, so that the eyes of other young men do not look at the girl’s beauty and do not seduce the innocent soul. And we mark our bride with a ring made of silver with an amethyst stone. Wear it for your health. The groom puts a ring on his chosen one. Matchmaker: - Dear matchmakers, they say that there are such grooms that they are often unable to hammer a nail themselves. So that you can be sure that our groom can do everything on his own, let’s ask him to hammer a nail into your threshold, so that from now on you will have it welcome guest. The groom hammers a nail into the threshold. Matchmaker: - And now, our good fellow, give your father-in-law a hammer so that you can be of some use, and give your mother-in-law a chocolate so that everything in life goes smoothly. The groom makes appropriate gifts.

Matchmaker: - From me, young people, you will receive your first gift - a fruit tree. To walk together on the same path, sit him down. And it will give wonderful fruits if you take care of it, protect it and water it. Just like your family, you must protect them from all adversity. And from your love, may children be born into the world and they will be like fruits on this tree - healthy and strong. The matchmaker presents the bride and groom with a fruit tree seedling. Matchmaker: - Bring foreign wines and wonderful honey to your table. We will lubricate the owner’s ears with this honey so that he doesn’t hear anything bad about his son-in-law. And we will smear the hostess’s eyes with this honey so that she doesn’t see anything bad in her son-in-law. And the rest - I’ll smear it on my tongue, so that at the table you can make speeches as sweet as honey! After this, the hosts invite guests to the table. Perhaps this performance does not comply with all the ancient traditions of matchmaking, but it looks impressive and beautiful. Yes, matchmaking today is just a formal tribute to tradition. And for this reason, the entire scenario of actions on the part of the matchmakers and the groom can be completed in 2-3 minutes. And that's exactly what the next video is about. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOsAcVI5O5o

Matchmaking by the bride the same tribute to tradition as on the part of the groom. In the memory of our older relatives, matchmaking was noisy and fun. Costumed matchmakers, with songs and ditties, came to the bride’s court and sang songs of praise about the virtues and prowess of the groom. The bride's task in this ceremony was very modest. In fact, during the matchmaking, the girl was in a separate room all the time, and her parents took part in the negotiations. However, this did not mean that the girl’s matchmaking customs did not imply long and intensive preparation for the process.

How to match a bride to make a bright, unforgettable, but modern holiday?

First, you need to prepare a symbolic dowry. In the old days, this indicator was a significant factor for matchmakers. The amount of the dowry and the kind of handicrafts contained in the chests depended on the matchmakers’ assessment of the bride’s hard work and skill. Matchmaking of a bride in our time is devoid of such strict formalities, but it is possible to prepare a formal dowry, and better yet, household items created by the hands of the bride.
Secondly, you need to buy a large pumpkin. Placing a pumpkin on the doorstep meant that the bride's parents did not like the groom, which means he was turned away. Of course, the pumpkin should not be displayed, but its presence will remind the matchmakers to be active and try to prevent the melon crop from being a reminder into becoming a formidable sign.
Thirdly, set a good table; it is advisable that the bride herself takes part in preparing the dishes.
The bride's matchmakers meet the guests and begin to ask them about the purpose of their visit. How does matchmaking go for real? Matchmakers do not speak directly, but in allegorical phrases, without directly naming the subject of discussion.

They praise the groom, pointing out his virtues and strengths. Then they start asking the girl’s parents, and now it’s time to praise their daughter. Matchmakers are trying in every possible way to “bring down the price” for the bride, asking tricky questions. Modern matchmaking of a bride can be very cheerful and perky, and at the same time harmless, because, in essence, parents are already prepared in advance to give their child in marriage.

Matchmakers can set the tone of the conversation, make it ironic, or, conversely, follow the rules of etiquette and knowingly ask things that will receive a good answer. Those who are interested in the tasks of matchmakers should watch the film “The Banker,” where Liya Akhedzhakova plays the matchmaker. A harmonious and capacious image that allows you to understand the whole essence of the custom of matchmaking a girl.

Matchmaking of the bride in our time

Matchmaking on the part of the bride involves first a conversation between the families of the bride and groom. The dialogue might look like this.

Matchmakers from the groom's side:

“Is your marten good? Or not big at all? How does she cook, how does she wash, how does she clean the house?”

Parents:

“Good is not the right word! Beautiful in face, healthy in body! Blood and milk, not touchy, smiling, but how she sings, and how she bakes pies!”

“The pies are probably on fire!”

Parents:

“Slanders! The pies are fresh, aromatic, and taste good. Please try and dine with us"

It should be noted that during matchmaking it is necessary to treat the guests, emphasizing that all the most delicious things were prepared by the caring hands of the bride.

“Fresh kvass, on fluffy bread, infused with three waters, strained through three sieves”
“Pies made from first-class flour, she harvested the ears herself, collected the grain herself, took them to the mill herself, baked the pies herself.”

Of course, performing the ceremony in the old melodious style is interesting and pleasant. But often we want to carry out the matchmaking of the bride in our time in a completely different direction. Then matchmaking poems should be funny and without unnecessary ancient comparisons:

The bride's parents can praise the bride like this:

“Our bride is beautiful, I can’t describe it with a pen.”
Every guy, as soon as he sees her, immediately wants to take her as his wife.
And she’s as slender as a birch tree, and her eyes are like lakes,
The beauty is so wonderful that it even glows from the face.
And the dowry is rich: we’ll give you the keys to the palace,
Yes, someone like ours was stolen, don’t even look for it!
You won't find someone like her anywhere, so modest young,
Is it time to bargain, matchmakers? There’s nothing else like it in the world!”

If the matchmakers see how the bride's matchmaking is going and are satisfied with the process, they ask to see the bride. On this day, the girl must prepare. Dress modestly and decently, even if this is a modern bride's matchmaking. Previously, they had not made special costumes for girls, however, they dressed the bride in the most elegant and rich clothes, and certainly with protective embroidery and amulets. Clothes had to emphasize the girl's appearance, but be modest and not provocative. Ideally, on the day of matchmaking, a girl should not drink, talk less, and generally behave delicately. By the way, on the day of matchmaking, the bride and groom could remain silent all day and not even sit next to each other. Moreover, there was no talk of any kisses; it was impossible to spend the evening with the bride.

The matchmakers ask the girl to actually show her skills: sweep the floors, wash the dishes until they shine, cook dinner in 10 minutes from scrap ingredients, iron a shirt, and generally show other similar skills. After the action has been completed, the matchmakers on the bride’s side praise the girl’s work.

After the acquaintance, the newly-made relatives displayed a pumpkin or, as a sign that the groom had been accepted into the family as a future son-in-law, they placed a signature treat on the table.

Next, the parents of the bride and groom raised their glasses for the newlyweds and for the union of families, and presented gifts to the matchmakers for their work. On matchmaking girl matchmakers often got drunk or received a very large sum from the relatives of the guy and girl. The matchmakers were not sent away or said goodbye to them, but were seated as honored guests at the table, and after the end of the holiday they were escorted home with honors and gifts.

In order for matchmaking to be bright and without offense, you need to buy the right gifts and ritual items for modern matchmaking.

If you have no idea how to match a bride, or want to create an unusual and funny scenario, call us, we will help.

You might think that matchmaking in the 21st century– an irrelevant, dead tradition. What if we look at the ritual in a new way? Meeting parents, as well as receiving a blessing for marriage, has never been canceled, so spend this meeting with humor and laughter, let it mark the beginning of a fun pre-wedding mess. Let's look at what traditions we can use, as well as how to conduct matchmaking on the part of the groom - a detailed scenario.

Our great-great-grandparents greatly respected the entire matchmaking procedure, because during such negotiations property and material issues were resolved. They also had their own matchmaking script. They chose matchmakers - the most revered people of the village - and went to the bride, usually after sunset and in no case on Fridays. Arriving guests were strictly greeted and seated at the table. An intricate conversation began, in which they talked about seemingly trivial matters, made witty remarks and at the same time praised the merits of the groom in every possible way, and also discussed the dowry.
During the viewing, the promising bride was evaluated and tested. She demonstrated her skills and abilities to those who came, came out in a beautiful outfit, and showed the work she had completed. At that time, relatives tried to treat the matchmakers with delicious food and praised their daughter’s talents. Finally, the groom was presented with a cup of honey. If he drinks to the bottom, it will be a wedding, and if he takes a sip, then, excuse me, the bride didn’t come.

Folk traditions

For successful matchmakers, they tried to listen to the wisdom of the people. The procession, led by the groom, took various precautions and performed ritual actions.

On the way to the bride's house they did not speak to anyone or stop;
Before knocking on the door, the groom pressed his shoulder and palm to the doorframe;
Having crossed the threshold, they made the sign of the cross;
During the conspiracy, it was necessary to covertly touch the table leg; it was believed that this would bring good luck.

Matchmaking scenario in a new way

Modern matchmaking looks like introducing the families of the bride and groom, as well as the opportunity to propose marriage to your beloved and at the same time obtain the consent of the parents.
When preparing, choose simple, and at the same time cool script, preferably in verse with jokes, competitions, songs, or you can make up your own. Think over perky words for the groom, reciprocal words for the bride, and a speech for the honorable matchmakers. Also pay attention to the appearance of the delegation of matchmakers - dressing up and folk costumes will add color to the holiday. This article provides a modern matchmaking scenario on the part of the groom, written in verse, for guidance.
We write “from the groom’s side” and it’s not for nothing that we bypass the matchmaking scenario from the bride’s side. In the old days in Rus', it was mostly daring guys who turned to matchmakers, while beauties sat at home and waited patiently.

Example of a cool script

To carry out the ceremony, matchmakers are selected from the bride and groom (usually men from older relatives or the father). The matchmaker should be belted with a red sash, and a towel with an old Russian pattern should be tied over his shoulder.
According to tradition, the groom's delegation (groom, matchmaker and parents) arrives at the bride's house, where they are met by relatives and the bride's matchmaker (the bride herself is not among them).<Сват жениха отвешивает низкий поясной поклон отворившим. Жених дарит матери невесты букет.
Groom's matchmaker: Hello, hospitable hosts!
Fate sent us to you!
I wrote the road and pointed out the house,
She ordered us to look for the bride.
The bride is languishing in the mansion,
Let the fellow explain himself!”

Parents give permission and let guests in over the threshold.

Bride's matchmaker:
“If you really want to find your girl,
Then you have to fight the dragon.
Let's see if you're ready
To a difficult married life.
Cut off at least three heads
Dragon, will you make up your mind?

Everyone approaches a closed door, behind which three ends of a multi-colored ribbon are exposed.

Bride's matchmaker:
“As you pull the ribbon,
You will attract the anger of the first head.
Don't be shy, well done
If you’re so eager to get married”

First competition

The bride's friend comes out from behind the door to pick up the ribbon.

1st friend:
“Are you going to marry for love?
Now tell us 15 qualities of your darling"

Second competition

The sister comes out along the second tape.

Sister:
“Will you be an exemplary husband?
We don't need a lazy person in our house!
Here are the household chores
Tell us easily.
How will you be kind to your wife?
Useful for your family"

Decipher the abbreviations for household chores:

DR - raise children;
KP - vacuum the apartment;
PM – wash dishes;
RD - renovate a house;
DZ – earn money.

Third competition

The third head is the bride's aunt or grandmother. She hands the groom a hammer and a plank. The groom takes a nail from the bride's parents. The future father-in-law gives an ordinary nail, and the bride's mother gives a nail with a cunning, sawed-off.
Bride's aunt:
“I see you are a brave hero!
Let's see how skillful he is.
I give the instrument into your hands,
Show us tricks with the board."

Groom's matchmaker:
“Open the red maiden,
He coped with all the tasks perfectly!
We came to match
It’s good to hide the bride!”

The bride appears from behind the door. It is better for the girl to dress simply and elegantly for the bride, especially if this is really the first meeting with the groom’s parents.

Bride's matchmaker:
“A wonderful bride lives in our mansion:
Magnificent beauty, and what kind of pies she bakes!
She's smart and smart, she keeps the house clean.
Golden hands, mischievous eyes.
Modest and flexible.
Well, matchmakers, do you like it?”

Groom's matchmaker:
“Let us now test the girl,
Getting married is not putting on bast shoes.”

First competition for the bride

Groom's matchmaker:“Before you are delicacies from all over the world,
And we expect this answer:
The groom's 5 favorite dishes should be named.
Mind you, don’t take hints!”

Choose from the proposed cards with the names of dishes - the groom’s five favorites.

Groom's matchmaker:
“You handled this cleverly,
You will receive an apple as a gift from us.
According to old beliefs, it brings good luck to the bride,
Yes, it enhances beauty a hundredfold.
Now we check more subtly,
Is your head smart?
We ask for an answer to every question,
You can’t ask your mom for advice.”

Second competition for the bride

1) We heard that they cook porridge from an axe. But can you make button soup? I can if they are torn out “with meat”.
2) How can you make porridge without spoiling it? Add oil
3) What will run away from a bad housewife and not look back? Milk

Groom's parents:
We are glad to see you as our daughter,
Always be such a sparkle.
Take our festive cake,
Yes, divide it in the name of harmony"

They serve the girl a loaf on a towel. She cuts it into four equal parts. Two parts for the groom, two parts for the bride.

Groom: approaches the bride’s parents and gives them halves of a loaf)
“Dad and Mom, with respect to you,
I will heed your words"

The groom bows. His parents kiss him.

Bride:(approaches the groom’s parents and gives them halves of a loaf)

“Dad and Mom with love to you,
I will heed your words"

The bride bows and kisses her parents.

Groom's matchmaker:
“Do parents agree to give young people their parental blessing for a happy and good life?”

Parents bless the couple. Parting words may include wishes for family well-being, approval of choices, family health, prosperity and joint development. To reinforce the words, parents can hold icons in their hands and light a candle. Finally, the parents join the young people’s right hands.

Groom:
“Take from me, my beloved, a precious ring as a sign of my admiration for you, as a symbol of my love.”

A young man puts a ring on the bride's finger.
The bride and her parents invite everyone to the table. The groom gives gifts to his future mother-in-law and father-in-law, the bride gives gifts to the groom's parents.

Props for the script:

Sashes (red wide belts) and towels (white embroidered towels) for both matchmakers;
Gifts for the father and mother of the bride. This could be, for example, a beautiful leather wallet with wishes for well-being (don’t forget to put a penny inside so as not to jinx it) and a nice warm shawl, respectively;
Bouquets of flowers for all the women in the house;
Gifts for the father and mother of the groom. In such cases, expensive alcohol is given as a gift, and the future mother-in-law can be presented with beautifully embroidered sofa cushions, a certificate to the spa;
Three multi-colored ribbons, cards with encrypted household chores, a hammer and a board, a regular nail, a sawn nail;
20 cards with names of dishes, apple;
Festive loaf, towel;

Matchmaking video

Look at one of our examples of how interesting and festive this event can be.

Wedding troubles are always pleasant. However, a wedding is always preceded by an engagement. Nowadays, not so much attention is paid to this custom; as a rule, newlyweds simply inform their relatives that they are going to formalize the relationship. But before, the matchmaking of a bride was one of the most important rituals, and also incredibly beautiful. Some couples still adhere to the tradition today. Do you want to know more about the ancient ritual, what has changed in it and how to conduct matchmaking today? Then - read!

Long tradition

Due to inexperience, many people believe that during matchmaking the custom is to present a ring. Not at all. Today, the matchmaking ceremony is perceived as an acquaintance between the parents of the bride and groom. This ritual, in the modern sense, is a very important event for which the parties prepare in advance: future fathers-in-law and mother-in-law buy formal outfits, and fathers-in-law and mother-in-law set rich tables.

But before everything was completely different. Not only the groom’s relatives gathered for the matchmaking ceremony. For this action, matchmakers were hired, and important negotiations fell on their shoulders, for example, matchmakers discussed the size of the bride’s dowry.

As a rule, the appearance of matchmakers was unpredictable; no one could predict this event in advance. It was believed that the effect of spontaneity would not allow the bride’s family to hide their household, or, conversely, embellish it, and at the same time, the future bride.

And one more very important nuance. The decision about the upcoming wedding (whether it will happen or not) was made not by the young (as is now happening), but by their relatives.

Traditional script

Once upon a time, the bride's matchmaking scenario involved the matchmaker visiting the potential bride's family several times. Moreover, making a decision about the upcoming wedding immediately after the first visit was considered a sign of bad taste. It's not surprising. The bride must “keep her mark”! And the relatives of the bride for matchmaking could not give the “goods” to the first person they met. However, there was a high probability that after the first visit, in case of refusal, the matchmakers would not return again.

To prevent this from happening, the daughter’s parents asked for time to think, consult with other relatives, and find out more about the groom.

If everything worked out as it should, the matchmakers returned again after a few days. If the verdict was positive, the wedding date, expenses, dowry and “compensation” were discussed. After negotiations, future relatives (mother-in-law and father-in-law) were invited to visit to see where and how their beloved daughter would live now. Only after this could the groom meet his betrothed.

Engagement tradition

After the matchmaking, which could last for more than one day, an engagement was organized. It was during the engagement that the bride and groom officially promised each other, the ring was presented, and the newlyweds exchanged vows in front of the altar and witnesses that the wedding would certainly take place according to mutual desire.

Today, engagement is a completely different event. For some, this is the moment of presenting a ring to a girl, for others - an announcement about the upcoming wedding, for others - family gatherings, during which the parents of the future spouses officially meet. And for some, engagement is considered the day when an application is submitted to the registry office. But in any case, engagement is considered the first step towards preparatory wedding events.

Tradition of modernity

Most of the centuries-old rituals, unfortunately, have sunk into oblivion. However, the matchmaking ritual still occurs today. True, matchmaking scenarios are different; they have become more modern. So, if you want to have a wedding according to all the traditions and find out how the bride’s matchmaking process goes, listen to our advice.

Modern matchmaking involves a certain preparatory stage. In different countries, rituals acquire a local flavor and have their own differences.

Successful dates for matchmaking

So, first of all, decide on the day and date. It is believed that the unsuitable days for matchmaking are Wednesday and Friday. In addition, you cannot send matchmakers to the bride on the 13th. The most suitable and successful numbers are 3, 5, 7, 9.

Today they do not use special ritual objects. Previously, this action could not be done without a towel (it was embroidered in a special way, with certain designs), and special utensils. Also, the ritual took place according to a script - the speeches and actions of all relatives were prepared in advance. The girl was silent the whole time the matchmaking was going on, quietly removing the ash from the stove. She had no right to turn to the matchmakers. Today the girl simply does not leave her room.

Before the ceremony, the groom certainly prepares two bouquets. Flowers have their own symbolism, so it’s better to find out about it in advance. So, if a girl is young, it is not customary to give her lush, rich bouquets. It is better to get by with roses in delicate shades. For the mother of the bride, the bouquet should express honor, respect, and admiration.

Example script

So, you thought and wondered for a long time and finally decided to arrange matchmaking according to all traditions. To make it fun and not boring, you should plan everything in advance and even rehearse. By the way, the main character in matchmaking is the matchmaker on the young man’s side. Don’t just hire just anyone for this role, the matchmaker must be smart and have no complexes, otherwise it’s a lost cause.

All actions during matchmaking are accompanied by certain words. Of course, they can be very different. But the essence comes down to one thing. This is approximately what the participants in this action should say.

Start of the show

So, role-play the situation. The guests are waiting at the matchmakers' house; the latter are arriving. At this time, the bride waits in her room and does not show herself to anyone. The guests cheer in unison: “They’re coming! The matchmakers are coming! At this time, the girls present can sing a folk song about love, the main thing is that it is positive and kind, with a happy ending. A variety of ditties are also appropriate.

When meeting, the matchmaker on the groom’s side greets everyone: grandparents, aunts, uncles, brothers and sisters. He says that the path was not short, that it took a long time to get there. But they overcame all the difficulties, because they arrived with a very important mission - they say they have a clear falcon, which had a wondrous dream, in which a beautiful maiden appeared to the falcon as a beautiful firebird. Since then, the falcon has not eaten or slept; he keeps thinking about her. And the falcon’s relatives decided to find his betrothed, asked the magic staff for help, and he brought the matchmakers to this house. Naturally, all words are pronounced in a playful, comic form.

After such a stormy introduction and greeting, the bride's matchmaker comes into play. Again, in a joking manner, he says that he has no idea who he is talking about, that there are many red-haired beauties in the house.

The matchmaker’s surprise on the part of the groom knows no bounds; she asks permission to take everyone at once, to which the groom objects: “No, I don’t need them all, my soul yearns for one!” The groom’s matchmaker, in confirmation of his words, echoes: “Yes! Any swan will not suit our falcon” and suggests that the guy himself start looking for his one and only. After the consent of the girl's parents, he enters the house and brings out his bride.

The groom’s matchmaker exclaims enthusiastically: “Of course, she’s beautiful, rosy-cheeked, slim. It is not surprising that the falcon spent so much time drying on it. But we prepared several tests for the swan.” The matchmaker scatters the change on the floor or on the ground. The test begins, during which the girl must show that she is not lazy and can bend over to collect coins. The girl puts the coins in her pocket, and if anyone asks for money, she refuses. The matchmaker immediately notices: “Thrifty! But I have one more question: how much buckwheat do you put in the borscht – a spoon or a glass?” The girl replies: “And I put meat in the borscht!” Everyone nods their heads in approval.

Bread is an essential attribute of matchmaking

After the test, the time comes for the main question: does the girl agree to marry the young man? As a sign of agreement, she must cut the bread into 4 equal parts. And treat each of them to those present: the first two parts are presented, bowing, to the groom’s parents, the second – to his own.

After this, the groom’s matchmaker “marks” the bride so that no one else can take her away before the wedding. With the words: “We will mark with a little thing,” the bride is given a ring. After this, the woman notes that it is the groom’s turn to show himself in action. The guy is given a hammer with nails and he drives a nail into the threshold of the house. After “work,” the groom gives gifts to his future mother-in-law and father-in-law: “For the father-in-law, a hammer, so that he can be useful in the relationship, and for the mother-in-law, a chocolate bar, so that the wedding goes smoothly.”

A simplified version of matchmaking

There is another, more simplified scenario, for those who do not like to be too theatrical about their actions. After a stormy meeting, the groom enters the house, gives flowers and gifts to the chosen one and her parents. By the way, it will be very original if the groom steps over the threshold with a loaf in his hands - after all, a tribute to tradition.

Table gatherings are held under the auspices of praising the bride, and everyone praises her: parents, friends, relatives: wow, she’s smart, wow, she’s beautiful!

Hearing all the praise addressed to the bride, the groom completely melts! Now is the time to confess your feelings to the young woman. By the way, it will be very original if it is done in poetic form.

Matchmaking is, in essence, the official consent of the bride and groom, as well as their families, to enter into marriage. There is no universal scenario or rules for performing this ritual, since even in ancient times, matchmaking traditions differed greatly not only in different countries, but also in different regions of Rus'. In this article we will look at the main features, current echoes of past traditions and interesting ideas regarding matchmaking.

Matchmaking today

Modern matchmaking in most cases is simple and prosaic, especially in urban areas. Matchmakers, whose roles are most often played by the groom's closest relatives, rarely burden themselves with learning long poems and theatrical performances (except for the common phrase: “you have a product, we have a merchant”). However, certain etiquette is still observed. So, upon arrival at the bride’s house, the groom always gives the women flowers (if the future wife has grandmothers or sisters, they will also be pleased to receive a bouquet along with the bride and her mother). Matchmakers bring gifts with them, most often these are: sweets, fruit baskets, alcohol. In addition, the groom (or his mother) can give the bride some expensive gift, for example, jewelry or something significant for his family. Some special gifts can be presented to the bride's parents. It is better to discuss what to give to your future father-in-law and mother-in-law in advance with the bride - she probably knows their preferences. Alternatively, it could be: a talisman for the home, a photo album (with a promise to fill it soon with photographs of grandchildren), a beautiful carved candle (as a symbol of light and warmth), etc. After the welcoming speeches, everyone goes to the table, where they discuss in detail the subject of the meeting - the wedding of the newlyweds.

What words to say during matchmaking

While the bride's relatives can act impromptu, the groom's matchmakers will have to prepare some kind of opening speech. The essence of this speech usually boils down to the following: we know that a beautiful girl lives here, we have a smart/generous/wealthy groom for her, who, moreover, is endlessly in love with her, do you agree to put her in his reliable hands ? This traditional preamble can be formulated in either prose or verse. Here are some short poetic options:

We brought you a great guy!
The merchant is excellent for your product!
Dressed to the nines - looks decent,
There is a corner and personal transport.
There is money - not poor,
The character is easy - the disposition is not harmful.
How's it going with your fiancee?
Are you ready for marriage yet?

We came to your house for a reason.
One dream brought us -
Give your child to a happy marriage,
Hurry up and hug your grandchildren.
And if our thoughts are similar,
Let's put everything aside
To discuss the wedding together
And fortunately, the way is open to children.

You have one girl:
Modest, beautiful, young
We have a groom to match her:
He also has the intelligence to become.
We offer in one thread
Connect their two destinies.

Hello, nice family!
Meet a prominent man.
We will immediately say not the same -
He is a glorious groom, rank after rank!
And lead you to the altar
He wants your girl.

We were lucky to know -
Your product is expensive.
Good in everything, give or take.
Our merchant is golden.
Just look for something like this!
Handsome, smart, daring.
He'll make a great husband and son-in-law!
So give us a straight answer -
Are you ready to give away the goods?

We have come to your glorious home
With a first-class groom!
Give it some time -
We'll tell you everything about it.

Scenarios of modern matchmaking

We will not present matchmaking scenarios in verse (there are quite a few of them on the Internet). Let us note only the key stages of this ritual. It all starts with the opening speech of the matchmakers (mentioned above). Further, matchmakers may ask the bride to perform a number of comic tasks to ensure that she will be a thrifty wife. For example, answer the following questions:

What kind of water will you pour over instant noodles for your husband: hot or warm? (The correct answer is none, I will feed him delicious, homemade food);
- When you wash a pan, do you scrub more inside or outside? (The correct answer is that I wash equally well on all sides);
- At what temperature will you wash woolen items? (The correct answer is slightly warm so as not to shrink);
- List the ingredients from which you will cook borscht.
etc.

The bride's relatives, in turn, can prepare a number of tasks or questions for the groom. For example:

The groom is asked to choose a city: Arkhangelsk, Yaroslavl or Khabarovsk (these are the cities depicted on banknotes of 500, 1000 and 5000 rubles). After this, you can joke about the groom’s future earnings - praise him or, on the contrary, advise him to try harder.
- Ask him to hammer a nail into a board, but give him a nail with a bent leg, explaining that in family life not everything is so simple and he will need to be able to cope with various difficulties.
- To check how safe it will be for the bride to travel with the groom in the car, you can ask a series of car questions about traffic rules or ask to decipher some rare signs.
- Answer a number of “male” questions. What tool is used to make a hole in a concrete wall (perforator)? How can you cut the wire with pliers or pliers (pliers)? And so on.

At some point, the hosts invite guests to the table. There, both families finally shake hands and begin to substantively discuss the wedding and the future life of the young people. In villages, this joint feast is called “binge” (not to be confused with binge drinking in the well-known sense).

An important stage of matchmaking is the formal appeal of the groom to the bride's parents with a request to give their daughter in marriage to him. When this should be done (at the very beginning or during the feast) is not so important. And here there is no room for jokes and antics - this symbolic moment requires the most serious attitude.

Matchmaking traditions that have survived to this day

The ancient Slavs had a great many traditions and superstitions associated with matchmaking, some of which have successfully survived to this day. Whether to use them or not is up to you, but if there are older people in the family who are often supporters of “this is the way it is,” it may be worth including something from the following in the “event” program.

Particular importance in wedding rituals, including matchmaking, was given to the loaf. This tradition dates back to pagan times. The shape and color of the loaf symbolized the sun, and the Sun God was especially revered by the Slavs. Matchmakers always brought a loaf of bread with them to matchmaking. The bride had to cut it at the table and distribute it to everyone present as a sign of consent to the marriage; first, the parents were treated to it. For a marriage to be successful, every last bite had to be eaten. At modern matchmaking, a loaf is also often present. If you do not have the opportunity to purchase a real loaf, you can simply buy round bread (a salt shaker is not necessary).

The second traditional thing was the towel. Different Slavic peoples used towels in different ways during matchmaking: as gifts from the bride to future relatives, they were tied on the matchmakers’ chests as a sign of consent, they were tied to the matchmaker’s hands, etc. Today you can simply present the loaf on a towel, and then put it in a safe place - it can be used later when blessing your parents and other rituals. An item with such a symbolic history will certainly become a family heirloom in the future.

Previously, during matchmaking, the bride never went out to meet the matchmakers. Until a certain point, she was in a locked room. This rule can be followed today - you must agree, there is some intrigue in this.

Even if the groom satisfied the bride's parents in everything, they never gave their consent from the threshold. The rules of decency required them to bide their time and “raise the price” for their goods. Perhaps, similar behavior would be useful today, so that it doesn’t turn out like in that joke when the wife instructed her husband before the groom’s arrival:
- Vasya, just don’t immediately throw yourself on his neck with the words “You are our Savior!”

After the bride appeared in front of the guests, the stage of the so-called bridegroom began. The bride was asked to walk around, do some simple actions, and pour tea for everyone. This was necessary to identify the girl’s physical flaws. Today, of course, times are different and matchmakers have most likely seen the groom’s chosen one more than once. However, the bride should be active at the table and take care of the guests - this will earn the respect of future relatives.

Having given his consent to the marriage, the bride's father placed his daughter's hand in the hand of the future husband and spoke parting words. He asked the groom to protect and take care of the bride. This sentimental moment can easily be recreated today. Perhaps this will make the groom feel additional responsibility as he enters a new stage of his life.

1. You can ask one of your relatives to film the matchmaking with a camera or video camera. Often such things are thought about too late, and the family archive is deprived of valuable personnel.

2. Take the time and bake something for the holiday table with your own hands. Homemade baking helps create a warm family environment.

3. Prepare a couple of interesting toasts on the topic of matchmaking in advance. There are many humorous and quite serious, touching options on the Internet.

Several video examples of matchmaking from the Internet

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